Oh, Dana Scully, No

Okay, but if Dana Scully owned an iPhone, this would be its...

Fri, 30 Nov 2012 00:09:15 -0500

Okay, but if Dana Scully owned an iPhone, this would be its cover.

2x01 - Little Green Men Oh, sweet baby Mulder, I know...

Tue, 05 Jun 2012 05:41:22 -0400

2x01 - Little Green Men

Oh, sweet baby Mulder, I know you’re sad because you miss Scully and the light has gone out of your life, etc, but honestly, that facial hair isn’t helping the situation at all, not least because it’s grown in primarily as an awkward moustache. Also, whatever you’ve been doing to style your hair so it looks like a toupe: stop that.

Breaking news: Fuck No Shoulderpads will be returning from accidental hiatus, just as soon as your...

Thu, 24 May 2012 17:11:05 -0400

Breaking news: Fuck No Shoulderpads will be returning from accidental hiatus, just as soon as your humble blog leader returns from exile in Brooklyn.

2x01 - Little Green Men Sweet tap-dancing Jesus, Scully,...

Thu, 22 Mar 2012 15:50:48 -0400

2x01 - Little Green Men

Sweet tap-dancing Jesus, Scully, aren’t you trying to hide from the Feds? I can’t decide if this is Exhibit D in How Not To Costume Your Incredibly Pregnant Lead Actress, or Exhibit A-Z in my upcoming self-help book How Much Is Too Much? When Shoulder Pads Go Too Far.

2x01 - Little Green Men While you’re enjoying your...

Sun, 11 Mar 2012 13:39:08 -0400

2x01 - Little Green Men

While you’re enjoying your Sunday brunch, why not also enjoy a trip down sartorial memory lane? Remember the days when suspender width was a way to identify super important men. When banker collars weren’t just for dbag bankers. I can only assume this is the height of fashion on the Hill, because otherwise I have no idea why this man is so satisfied with himself.

2x04 - Sleepless Good news, Mulder: I figured out why your...

Wed, 07 Mar 2012 00:17:00 -0500

2x04 - Sleepless

Good news, Mulder: I figured out why your hair always does that thing! Bad news: Krycek took all the hair gel already.

2x04 - Sleepless Mulder, I know it’s the 90s and all,...

Mon, 13 Feb 2012 18:45:00 -0500

2x04 - Sleepless

Mulder, I know it’s the 90s and all, but did you need to be the entire 90s? I was going to make a joke about how you came in costume as Jerry Seinfeld, but then I went off on a mental tangent and now I’m angry that both shows are off the air and we will never get the justly-deserved AU in which Scully is Elaine, Skinner is Costanza, and Krycek is Kramer.

2x01 - Little Green Men Scully, if Tyra Banks could reach...

Thu, 26 Jan 2012 16:04:58 -0500

2x01 - Little Green Men

Scully, if Tyra Banks could reach across time, what would she say about your silhouette? Probably something like “Girl, I was already famous in the 90s, but even a Barbie who has just come to life doesn’t understand the size of that coat”, or something equally sage.

Confidentially, have you seen this amazing fanart? I died.

2x02 - The Host Oh, beautiful Scully, why. What the actual...

Fri, 23 Dec 2011 03:04:55 -0500

2x02 - The Host

Oh, beautiful Scully, why. What the actual fuck. Can we discuss the escalation in fake lapels? And enormous buttons? And what looks like a beige henley with button cuffs? And the only pair of glasses on set? And how your suit matches the computer? THE COMPUTER, SCULLY.

2x01 - Little Green Men Holiday season got you down? Family...

Mon, 19 Dec 2011 10:02:00 -0500

2x01 - Little Green Men

Holiday season got you down? Family stress wearing at your psyche? Just call Dread Pirate Mulder: Bearer of Seasonal Tidings! What season? It doesn’t matter.

1x22 - Born Again Here’s a final look from season one to close us out. Scully, I’m...

Fri, 11 Nov 2011 17:49:33 -0500

1x22 - Born Again

Here’s a final look from season one to close us out. Scully, I’m glad you got to use the only pair of glasses in D.C., but my god is your jacket out of control. Your shoulderpads appear to be encroaching on your ears in a way I find worrisome.

I return to you after weeks of a field assignment* doing...

Tue, 08 Nov 2011 18:10:25 -0500

I return to you after weeks of a field assignment* doing extremely exciting research** after a tip regarding a conspiracy was brought to my attention by some anonymous sources. Does everyone have to share one set of glasses, and how do they fit everyone? Is this a Fellowship of the Traveling Eyeglasses thing? How did Langly escape, and why is he so smug about it? What does he know that we don’t?

* grad school

** the opposite of this

Fight the Future In honor of reaching nearly the end of season one, I thought we would have a...

Fri, 23 Sep 2011 08:14:59 -0400

Fight the Future

In honor of reaching nearly the end of season one, I thought we would have a special, complete with viewer participation! A look into the future, which is an extremely clever pun that works on multiple levels. So Scully, let’s discuss. Many things have happened to you since we last spoke, almost all of which are horrifying, so let’s not speak of them and instead focus on your hair, which is obviously amazing. I have spent many years of my adult life trying to achieve that hair, which isn’t weird because we’re such close friends. Here’s the thing: I still don’t love that suit on you. It’s neither beige nor all bright red, which I do count as triumphs, and it is almost entirely the right size, but the hem of the skirt, Scully! It’s so awkwardly long! I just can’t endorse it, even as a fellow short girl. I don’t know! What do your other friends think, Scully?

Props on those shoes, though, damn.

1x23 - Roland Scully. My love. Is this a joke? I mean, I see by your face it is not, but even the...

Thu, 08 Sep 2011 08:00:05 -0400

1x23 - Roland

Scully. My love. Is this a joke? I mean, I see by your face it is not, but even the buttons on your shirt are neutral, and somehow oversized. At a certain point, Scully, I begin to think you’re doing this as an insult to me personally.

1x24 - The Erlenmeyer Flask Scully, I know sometimes you think I exaggerate your propensity for...

Fri, 02 Sep 2011 08:00:05 -0400

1x24 - The Erlenmeyer Flask

Scully, I know sometimes you think I exaggerate your propensity for beige, but I mean, come on. You are killing me here. I know it seems counterintuitive to complain about both your Carmen Sandiego suits and in the next breath run down an outfit composed entirely of neutrals, but I’m unpredictable like that. I give you points for the shoes, but subtract all them for the breadth of your shoulderpads, which are, as ever, like some magnificent ship.

1x23 - Roland How not to costume your incredibly pregnant lead actress, Exhibit C. Look at her...

Wed, 31 Aug 2011 09:00:05 -0400

1x23 - Roland

How not to costume your incredibly pregnant lead actress, Exhibit C. Look at her suit jacket! The top button is at approximately the top of her trousers, and the bottom hem is inches from her knees. Her knees! That is not an appropriate coping strategy, maternity section of wherever Scully is shopping! Is this suit Mulder’s? Did he accidentally buy 32x22 pants and was too embarrassed to return them? I really can’t think of a more likely scenario, Scully.

1x22 - Born Again Scully, girl, I feel you. I mean, maybe our situations aren’t completely...

Fri, 19 Aug 2011 08:24:09 -0400

1x22 - Born Again

Scully, girl, I feel you. I mean, maybe our situations aren’t completely analogous since I want to complain about the humidity and how the weekend won’t just get here already, and you look like you want to complain about a range of things starting with how confusingly bulky your trench coat is and ending somewhere around oh my god why won’t anyone else comment on Janice’s linen safari vest, we are in Buffalo, there is absolutely no call for that.

1x17 - E.B.E. Scully, how many times are you going to make me say “visible shoulderpads...

Mon, 15 Aug 2011 07:00:05 -0400

1x17 - E.B.E.

Scully, how many times are you going to make me say “visible shoulderpads bulge”? At this point my money is on “well past the point when it loses all meaning”, but I’m hoping it doesn’t come to that. In other news, that is a nice shade of purple, but I also know that you are wearing an entire oversized suit’s worth of it, which slightly spoils it for me.

I found this blog today and spent the last half hour going through all the posts, screaming with laughter. Love it! Keep it up :)

Fri, 12 Aug 2011 16:31:09 -0400

Thank you! I will do what I can, though I’m not sure I can do better than Scully’s Beige Girlfriend. Actually, no, I take that back - something coming next week might be better. Maybe.

1x22 - Born Again Scully, I knew we talk a big game about how you’re in love with Mulder,...

Fri, 12 Aug 2011 08:00:05 -0400

1x22 - Born Again

Scully, I knew we talk a big game about how you’re in love with Mulder, but I am 900% certain that this lady is your soulmate. If an oversized, over-shouldered cardigan worn over a beige dress isn’t the sign you need I honestly can’t imagine what would be.

P.S.: Don’t think I don’t see you wearing your Space Face Disease suit again.